Just once. I wanna be me. I don't know what is going on with myself. I think my brain and heart is discussing. While, I, have no freaking idea about anything. 2011 is just gonna be the same as 2010. Nothing much will change. But please. I just want a few things. No heartbreaks, no empty promises and no more fake smiles. Please. But there's already heartbreaks.

Whatthefuck. I don't know how to express my feelings. Maybe it's cause I don't want people to know about it. 'Cause if they do, they pick up a fight. So yeah, I'd rather stay silent. Have you ever heard or seen something you really didn’t want to hear or see, then your heart just drops and you get a huge knot in your throat because it feels like you’re about to burst out crying? 'Cause I have. And I think everyone has too.

Oh, I hate today okay. So effing miserable today. Oh, and when you know that a girl isn't alright, don't ask. 'Cause you'll only get a fake answer. 'Cause she'll say she's fine, even though she's not. She's pissed off. Obviously. Especially if you're the only one she is ignoring. She's just not admitting it as you're just not doing anything about it. So, what the fuckk is the point of telling you. So, that's girls. Guys? SO STRAIGHT FORWARD.

The only two places where I feel absolutely safe are either in bed, with fresh new sheets and pillows surrounding my head or in the water, like on the bottom of a swimming pool. Alone. Weightless. Peaceful. Nobody talking. Nobody pretending. Those are the only two places. Everywhere else, I get smacked in the face with arrogance, ignorance, shallowness and shit. They knock me down and leave me bleeding on the floor. I'm sick and tired of this shit. I just think that like, one day we should all just either shut the hell up or say everything that crosses our mind. So the world can either be a silent one or a chaotic one. Because I’m sick of the in-between one.

Have you ever been angry or sad, to the point where you just break down at home, in your room? Your parents don’t know because you keep the tears to yourself, and you cry silently. Your friends don’t know because you talk as if you’re fine and dandy behind the computer screen. Well you’re not fine and dandy, and you know it. No one really knows how you feel, and they have their own lives to deal with, so you don’t bother telling them, you bottle it up, and store it with the other problems or troubles. I hate that feeling. The feeling when you’re sad, but you have no idea why. You just are. And in your mind, you’re thinking of all the bad things in your life and apply it to your emotions, making you even more sad. Then people ask you what’s wrong and you have nothing to say. You end up, sitting there, quiet, while it seems as if everyone, but you, is happy.

- justmeagaindownhere.