AKU NAK MATI PLEASE.

Kat skola tk tenteram. Kat umah binget. Mataer buat hal. Gerek pe. Ape lagi yang Kau nak bagi kat aku! Kimak. Mampos pun baek sial. Aku dah sabar sabar sabar beh Kau makin bagi bagi bagi. Is this what You give to people who tries being patient?! You know I cry every night, hoping that all these troubles will end. But no. More troubles. Aku tahu aku salah nak cakap macam ni. Tapi dah tkleh angkat luh sia. Nak bebual ngan orang, nobody's got time for me. Mataer pun tk kisah. Baek uh.

You ever have one of those days where you feel like you’re gonna explode? You’re so angry and fed up and miserable that you just sit there and try to control your emotions, but you can’t. Because you don’t know how to deal with them. Ever have one of those days when every person that comes up to you is a trigger? Every sentence spoken to you is a trigger? People come up and say ‘are you okay?’ And you say yes and try to fake a smile because you think maybe you could pretend you’re okay. Plus, you don’t even really know WHY you feel the way you do. It’s just a bunch of mixed emotions that are boiling up inside of you then they suddenly all come out, and you feel stupid & embarrased but you can’t do anything to stop the way you feel. You ever have one of those days where you go in the school washrooms and cry in one of the stalls? Then wash your face and try to make your eyes not look watery, and make the little red blotches under your eyes from crying go away. Because you think it makes you seem weak. & then go back to class and pretend you’re fine when really… you feel like you’re falling apart inside.

Hellooooooooooo, so here I am :D Okay, I'm gonna start talking about my bestie followed by my boyf and then about the awesome mediacorp dj broadcasting thing ok? Yeah. Eh, oh yeah, my birthday eh.. So, start off with my birthday ok?

14th march 2011.
My so-not-awesome-at-all 14th birthday. Thanks to 270 wishes on facebook :D I'm too lazy to name them. Haha, sorry, but thanks for the wishes, I appreciate it alot. I thought only like 50 would wish me. But then, woah. Hahaha. No presents this year. ): But nevermind, didn't even hoped for any. So yeah. Did nothing much luh actually. But my boyf, which people find it very fun to criticize him and make fun of him, was there for me, making time for me to have a cake on my birthday. And yeah, even had a candle for me to blow it out. He's not that bad after all. So guys, whatever I said to you guys, I take it back ok. Nobody's perfect. But at least, when in times of need, he tries to be there for me. Thanks bby. So yeah, thanks bestfriends for wishing me. Nad, fil and mard. Although Mard was like.. Nevermind. I'm not important anymore, anyway.

15th march 2011.
This was the day I went out with my awesome bestie and my bestfriend and my bestie's bestfriend? So yeah. He smells one of a kind sia, his cologne like seriously, lingers like for sooooooooo damn long time before I finally got it off me when I woke up the next day. Haha. You guys must be wondering what I did. Hahaha, lol, nothing much luh actually. We just went to watch Big Momma 3 : Like Father Like Son. It was awesome man, awesome. I like the Prodi-G. Hahahaha. What's the name of the guy? Gosh, I forgot. So yeah, it story line was awesome. Oh yeah, it got cold so I was there like freezing till bestie saw me freezing and then offered me his jacket and then boasts about being ladies man when he got home. HAHHA.So yeah, he's been there for me for this past few days. I'm so glad I found him. I mean, yeah, understand me man. Haha. Oh, he's got a crush on this cute girl. Ok, that was soooo not needed but yeah. Oh yeah, his way of speaking is sooooooooo like my cousin sia. The way he speaks, and the way he sound, exactly like my cousin. LOLLLL. Haha, but seriously, his cologne..... Ohhhhh! He bought me popcorn & coke for my birthday present. LOL, but I gave him the coke. So yeah :D Cause he's a fan of coke and was like seriously in need of coke. Haha, he told me that before meeting so yeah. After the movie, I thought of going back to school to get the form for the next day event but it was raining slightly so we ( nad and me ) were scared about getting the radiation thingy from the rain so we decided to go back. At that point of time, bestie had already left, to the arcade. PFFFT. Guys. So then, met Awi (: Chit-chatted and spent time :D

16th march 2011
This day, I went to Mediacorp Media Academy for the DJ Broadcasting Programme. There was Hai Sing, Siglap, Coral, Bedok South, Bedok North, Tanjong Katong Girl's and I think that's all. Didn't make friends on this day. So yeah, had to listen to alot of theory. Did only a little bit of practical. It was quite boring the first day 'cause I didn't care about what the speaker was saying as it was boring and I didn't give my full attention and also did not participate actively. So yeah. Umm, we had a tour around the studio and stuffs like that and I can tell you one thing. It was damn awesome sia! Gosh. Oh, and the recording place was like, gosh, super cool man! I loike it alot siaaaaaa! But bustard sia this one guy, he scold us for nothing sia! He was like ' Don't make funny faces. If you want to play around, this is not the place ' Wahlao, anyhow scold one sia! It was not even us who did it sia. Wtf. Ms Eng was like being a bitch but it was good uh, show us some respect man! But we just swallowed in down our throat uh. Preten nothing happened. So, it really spoiled our mood. Hahaha, so then, we did the practicals and took quite a number of pictures. Then, we ended late at around 5+ 'cause of the delay of some of the speakers.

17th march 2011
Today was so much way more awesome than yesterday! Oh yeah, Alifah and Phoebe aren't that bad. I should really stop listening to gossips/rumours sia. Most of them are totally not the right thing sia. So yeah, they're seriously awesome people. Today was much more awesome as the speaker wasn't boring at all and I was participating in the talk for quite a lot of time as it was very interesting. Yeah, I love today! :D

So now, I'm just waiting for bestie & Awi to message me. Hais..

Ida Juliet.

Hey peepos. I am super bored and I super don't know what to talk about. Rizal dah give up tgk facebook so at last I get to blogged, as per promised (: So, to start off, thanks cousin, for being here for me & my mum. And thanks for making chicken porridge for me and taking care of me. I feel so much better already & now I can talk well already. Haha, macam budak kecik tak tawu cakap gitu. Haha, thanks yeah. Appreciated much. Oh, thanks for cheering me up too. Kay, go maen psp! Shoo, I want blog. Haha, tkmu sedih. GOOOO.

Yay, at last, the computer is all to myself :D I got two days MC because of bad sore throat and fever. Luckily I went to the doctor fast as my sore throat was seriously bad. I could have needed to go for an operation if I, ahh forget it. No one cares actually.

I have not much to say. Have fun, people.

I try to hide it, but I most definitely am the jealous type. I seriously want to slap everyone who tries to talk to my significant other in a flirty way. When you have someone great, you don’t want their grip to slip out of your hands. So you constantly worry and let it get to you. I know, being the jealous type sucks. But now I try to understand. And yes, I control myself. I know that sometimes the girls aren't at fault.

Every girl needs a man. You know, the kind that’ll treat you right. The kind that has enough respect for you & is willing to change, just to be with you. The kind that searches for you with all his heart & that can be trusted in a room full of beautiful girls. Every girl needs a man who won’t cheat on her because he knows she’s got all that he wants & needs already. He won’t mind calling you early in the morning just to say good morning or late at night to say good night; maybe even sing you a good morning song & tell you a bedtime story or talk to you until you fall asleep. This guy will be the kind that’ll do anything for you, even if it’s to just go to the store & buy you your favorite kind of candy. He would defend & fight for you & wouldn’t bail on you for his friends when you need him most. The kind that won’t leave you lonely & wondering; the one that calls you surprisingly, even if he’s out with his friend, to just tell you that he loves & misses you a lot. The kind that isn’t afraid to smile to his friends every time you’re around & tell them, “She’s the one”. The kind that appreciates you for the things you do for him, even if they’re little. The ones that actually thank you for the little love notes you leave him, waits for you when you’re falling behind, & opens doors for you. Every girl needs a man who will take you out on dates once in awhile & buys you flowers just because it’s a Wednesday. The kind of guy that notices your hair when you just got it cut or done beautifully for him. He would remind you that he loves you & that he’s happy to be with you, just in case you forget. The kind that just doesn’t want kisses & hugs, but to actually be loved & to love. You deserve a guy that will call you beautiful instead of hot, who kisses your forehead when you’re down, tells you to be strong & to not cry, & when you do cry, he’d cry with you when times are hard. The kind that will go through thick & thin with & for you. The kind that just loves you for who you are & not for who you aren’t and loves you because you’re his favorite girl in the whole wide world. The only one that he needs to survive.

Yeah, I like that, alot. It's super true. /: But there's just no guy on Earth that's like that. But someone once asked me, why do girls keep saying that guys are all the same. It's true. Look around you. They can be cute, funny and loving to you at this young age. But look at the couples who are already married. What do you see? Not even as close as holding hands. Not even talking. Maybe they're a few who would not be like that. But accept the fact, guys are all the same.

I just made this up when I was listening to songs in the school & was freaking emo-ing. /: When you listen to a song, & then you find it interesting, you make the effort to find the lyrics or maybe just try to figure out the lyrics yourselves. And then you keep hearing it and memorising the lyrics and then you get used to the song. And then, when you're bored of it, you don't listen to it frequently anymore. And then, one fine day, you totally get tired of it and stop listening to it. Then comes one day, someone plays the song on & you just have a thing for it, your memories. You start listening to it again.

That's how a guy treats a girl. When they find a girl interesting, they make the effort to find more about them or they try making friends with them. And then, they hang out with the girl alot. They manage to capture all their attention and make the girl fall in love with them. Then, when the girl keeps hanging out with them, they get bored. They don't hang out with the girl frequently anymore. One day, they stop contacting at all. Then, the girl walks past. They start to hang out with her again.

It's kinda true to me, as I made it. But I don't believe the last part. /: So, I have nothing else to say. Just FML and yeah.

I miss us. I miss hanging out together. But I know you just don't feel it. I don't want to be desperate. I'm not. But there's just something about you that's not there anymore.

Thanks Rizal for cheering me up on the phone. I'm so gonna miss you like big shit when you leave to migrate /: